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Honest dispatches from a well-examined life. C.P. James writes about writing, self-discovery, and the occasional existential crisis.

Ayahuasca Series 1 of 5: Why did I do this?

Why would a conservative Midwesterner try ayahuasca at 48? C.P. James begins a five-part series on plant medicine, self-discovery, and the search for truth.

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The Magnificent Houdini Spider of Cedar Street

The improbable true story of a spider who kept escaping, and why C.P. James can't stop thinking about it.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 9: Claustrophobia

Lost Chapter 9 of Xeno Xoo: Claustrophobia. Bonus content from the Cytocorp Saga.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 8: The Tunnel Metaphor

Lost Chapter 8 of Xeno Xoo: The Tunnel Metaphor. A deleted scene from the Cytocorp Saga.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 7: Loud-Ass Ministry

Lost Chapter 7 of Xeno Xoo: Loud-Ass Ministry. An unexpectedly loud encounter in this bonus chapter.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 6: Dinner With the Junts

Lost Chapter 6 of Xeno Xoo: Dinner With the Junts. A deleted scene expanding the Cytocorp Saga universe.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 5: Crypsids Hit The Town

Lost Chapter 5 of Xeno Xoo: Crypsids Hit the Town. Bonus content from the Cytocorp Saga.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 4: The Crew Catches Up

Lost Chapter 4 of Xeno Xoo: The Crew Catches Up. A deleted scene from the Cytocorp Saga.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 3: Entering Randhra

Lost Chapter 3 of Xeno Xoo: Entering Randhra. The crew ventures into new territory in this bonus chapter.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 2: The Safety Video

Lost Chapter 2 of Xeno Xoo: The Safety Video. A deleted scene from the Cytocorp Saga.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 12: Denk's Rescue

Lost Chapter 12 of Xeno Xoo: Denk's Rescue, Part Two. More bonus content from the Cytocorp Saga.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 11: Crypsid Homecoming

Lost Chapter 11 of Xeno Xoo: Crypsid Homecoming. The Crypsids find their way home in this bonus chapter.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 10: Denk's Rescue

Lost Chapter 10 of Xeno Xoo: Denk's Rescue. A deleted scene from the Cytocorp Saga.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapter 1: Welcome to Durandia

Lost Chapter 1 of Xeno Xoo: Welcome to Durandia. Bonus content expanding the world of the Cytocorp Saga.

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What an 82-year-old man taught me about 'lifelong learning' in 2018

A conversation with an 82-year-old changed how C.P. James thinks about curiosity, growth, and what it means to never stop learning.

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That time I learned I shouldn't do better at things I like

A counterintuitive lesson: how getting better at something you love can quietly ruin it. C.P. James learns this the hard way.

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Ayahuasca Series 2 of 5: How does a plant medicine retreat work?

A detailed look at what happens inside a plant medicine retreat — the preparation, the ceremony, the people, and what comes after.

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San Pedro Series 4 of 4: Six Lessons

Six hard-won lessons from plant medicine ceremonies. What C.P. James took home and is still figuring out.

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San Pedro Series 3 of 4: The Second Ceremony

A deeper dive into the second San Pedro ceremony and what it revealed that the first one couldn't.

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San Pedro Series 2 of 4: The First Ceremony

Inside the first San Pedro ceremony: the setting, the experience, and what emerged on the other side.

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San Pedro Series 1 of 4: The Context

C.P. James begins a four-part series on San Pedro cactus ceremonies — the context, the skepticism, and the decision to try.

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Reality Check #2: The Launch

A frank accounting of what a book launch actually looks like — sales, reviews, lessons, and what keeps a writer going.

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On the mildly traumatic experience of reading my unofficial first novel

What happens when you read the first novel you wrote and never published? C.P. James does it so you don't have to.

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On the launch of Dome Six and the Cytocorp Saga

Behind the scenes of launching Dome Six, the first book of the Cytocorp Saga — what worked, what didn't, and what comes next.

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My secret formula for stopping a cold in its tracks

C.P. James shares the unconventional cold remedy that actually works. Practical, a little weird, and probably true.

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Lost Chapter 1: Welcome to Durandia

The first lost chapter of the Cytocorp Saga — a deleted scene that expands the world beyond what made it into the books.

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... In Which I Am No Captain of Industry

A humbling encounter with real competence and what it taught C.P. James about ego, capability, and knowing your limits.

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'Darkest Hour' is a movie about words, and that makes me sad

Churchill's words changed history. C.P. James watches 'Darkest Hour' and feels something complicated about the power of language.

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Chicago and the Lunker

A fishing trip to Chicago and a lunker fish become the backdrop for a meditation on solitude, friendship, and the ones that get away.

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Ayahuasca Series 3 of 5: The First Ceremony

The first ayahuasca ceremony: what it's like to surrender to a plant and come face to face with yourself.

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Xeno Xoo Lost Chapters: Preface and Setup

The preface and setup for the Xeno Xoo lost chapters — bonus content for readers who want to go deeper into the universe.

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